My Dearest Darling,
A single event can change your life forever and your birth did just that. And while it may seem trite, it is true: my love for you grows stronger with each passing day. I am proud to have been called by God to be a mother and not just any mother, but your mother. While I will certainly make mistakes, it will not be because I haven't tried to give you the world you so deserve.
I remember the morning you were born. It was bitter cold and snow still held on to the shady patches of grass and road. The sky was blue and the sun was peeking in over the curtains that had been drawn the night before. The nurse who had checked us in the previous night had long been off work, but had snuck back in for your arrival. With no end in sight, our room was full of doctors and nurses, discussing options. I was exhausted and the monitors showed that you were too. We had reached our limits. But, as you'll soon learn, the women in this family are fighters and so we pushed through together, without medicine or interventions. And from the moment they placed you in my arms, I knew my life would never be the same. I looked at your father as they took you from me and thought, How strange. Everything is different.
And so, as we approach the halfway mark to the first year of life, I would like to share with you just a few things I've learned:
I'm terrified. While I am (fairly) confident in my ability to be your mother, I'm still terrified every time your cry changes, or you roll to your tummy and sleep face down, or sleep for fours hours during your nap instead of your normal two, or that you're still hungry after I nurse you. And that doesn't even touch on the things I know are coming; walking, climbing, school, boyfriends, marriage and your own children. All the things I don't know, terrify me. But it's a healthy scare. A reality check that raising you requires more than what your father and I can give you. It requires faith and help from God.
I can't always protect you, although I will always try. I learned this in just the first week of your life when we noticed something wasn't right. This lesson in parenthood has been the most challenging and painful one to acknowledge. Your pain is magnified in me and my heart breaks with every tear you shed. But you've given me strength I never knew I had, too. And when you're hurting, I am at my strongest, for you. I know I can't always be there to catch you when you fall, but I'll always be there to pick up the pieces.
You are strong. And you will be okay. Long before you were born I prayed for you to have your father's strength and you do. You are brave and show no fear. I hope you always find that inner strength as you continue to face the world.
You bring joy I never imagined. When faced with sorrow, your simple smile brings life back into a room. When it's the fifth time I've walked half asleep into your room and you put your head on my shoulder, my frustration melts and I'm consumed by your love. When I'm exhausted in a way I didn't know was possible, your giggle gives me energy. For every day we are blessed to have you, I feel pure happiness. There will never be a day I'll be ready to say goodbye.
My sweet, perfect angel on earth, thank you for making me something more than I was before: your mother. I love you more than you'll ever know; my whole heart for my whole life. I love you and am incredibly proud to be your mom.
Love,
Incredibly Exhausted and Loving It
No comments:
Post a Comment