Oh, sweetie... you went there!

“I volunteer with … to make a positive impact on children without having them.”

The words sliced through the large room, cutting the whispers and side comments being tossed between members of our league.  A smile registered on my face as the sound of applause from various areas began to echo my reaction.  The question was simple, “Why are you a part of this organization?” but returned an answer that few had probably considered; one that for some of us, is true.

 

 

I don’t hide my age (or my wrinkles), but instead wear each year proudly, knowing how blessed I’ve been.  I suppose that’s why those around me have started to ask the ever so popular (and personal) question – When are you having a baby?  I’ve fielded questions and avoided discussions about having children.  In the south, this forward attitude would be considered impolite and rude, but in southern California I’m quickly learning that “anything goes”.  

Yes, roll your eyes if you must, but it’s true.  While I believe your intentions may be sincere (bless your heart), your questions can be painful to answer.  I’ve watched those that have been unable to conceive, even after seeking professional help from a fertility specialist, squirm uncomfortably as they try to give a response while not breaking down in tears.  Others, with no desire to have children, are left feeling like an outcast, as the inquisitive person follows up with wanting to know why further implying they have the right to know. 

I write this while watching my husband out back, swinging his new golf toy, and taking out weeds as he goes.  I consider our life with children, running after them barefooted before they eat the weeds or trample our flowers.  I imagine them with his green eyes and my blonde hair, pudgy legs and dimpled smiles.  I picture a family of four taking on the world.  His next swing brings me back to reality, visions of children are gone, and I’m left watching just my husband.  Unaware that I’m stalking watching him, he continues taking swings and I smile considering how blessed I am.  We are happy.  We are in love.  We are blessed.  We ARE a family.  Though a life with children would be rewarding, so is life without children.

Want to inspire a young person?  Teach or volunteer to coach.   Have an abundance of experience to share?  Mentor a child.  Exceptional baker or Pinterest pinner?  Become a classroom “parent”.  Family and holiday traditions that you’d like to continue?  Be a Big Brother/Big Sister.  You, too, can make a difference in the life of a child without having one yourself.  The possibilities are endless.

So, before you ask others whether they will be starting a family, for most of us, we already feel as though we are. 

Playing the name game

This past weekend my husband and I opted to ignore our honey-do lists and instead play golf.  The weather was gorgeous and we figured the majority of people would be out celebrating Cinco de Mayo, leaving the course empty.  Much to our surprise, though we were crossing our fingers, we were right. 

After checking in at the pro shop, we found that we would be playing with a single.  Typically, this makes me nervous.  For one, I still consider myself a beginner.  And secondly, most people are less than thrilled to play with a woman.  Hesitant to introduce myself, I waited instead to be introduced.  Luckily, the gentleman had an ever so slight southern twang and I knew I'd be welcomed.  (Maybe he didn't have the southern drawl, but he sure had the handshake of a man from Texas and a smile of one from the Carolinas.)  After listening to him speak, I knew he was a man who commanded respect.  And so, I gave it to him. 

I complimented his swing, applauded his putts and acknowledged his impeccable short game.  However, the biggest compliment I gave all day was in one simple word, "sir"; immediately giving him the respect he deserved.  It wasn't an attempt to play nice or to catch his attention, it was simply the proper thing to do.  Period.


I'm simply amazed that in today's society, something as simple as the words "sir" and "ma'am" have fallen to the wayside.  Then again, so has "please" and "thank you".  I've read the debates, I've seen the arguments and quite frankly, I don't buy them.  Certainly your intentions are good when you propose that you'll use "sir" and "ma'am" to address authoritative figures or those "demanding more respect", but it's less likely to be used if not inserted in daily dialogue.  And beyond that, everyone deserves your respect, not just authoritative figures.  Isn't that what's wrong with the world, a lack of respect?


In the grand scheme of things, I'll take my chances.  At the end of the day, I'd rather be known for being overly formal and highly respectful than not.   I would prefer to have someone say, "that's not necessary" than to assume I lack manners. Yes ma'am, I'll take manners with a side of please and thank you!